Being a good advisor

(available on LinkedIn)

I describe myself an engineering advisor. An engineering leader, a former engineer, who now likes to advise other engineering leaders. And as an advisor, I often reflect on what makes someone effective, and ineffective, in such a role. What makes a good advisor?

One way to define good advice is by understanding what bad advice looks like, and avoiding those pitfalls. And when it comes to advisors, there’s a lot of bad advice out there. Advice can be uninformed, ill-timed, non-actionable, or disrespectful, but my personal favourite is unwelcome advice.

Unwelcome advice may seem harmless, but it’s deeply damaging. It can feel patronising, intrusive, and undermine your confidence to handle your own challenges. And it’s often well-intentioned, which makes it difficult to say “I didn’t ask for help” or “I’m good thanks” without causing offence.

I’d say good advice is respectful of autonomy:

• If someone doesn’t ask me for help and I have something to offer, I try to create a space in which they know it’s OK to ask
• If someone does ask me for help, I try to offer insights that encourages self-reflection, empowers better decisions, and allows for a different course to my own

I say “try” because humility is so important. Being a good advisor isn’t easy, I’ve made mistakes, and I’m always learning from peers in the technology industry like Rachel Uhrig David Espley and Sam McGregor . And of course, my family, who hear “I didn’t ask for help” or “I’m good thanks” with patience and good humour, at least once a day.